The health process Books & Videos   Workshops About Leslie Kenton

Just as I tried to do with my first son, most conscientious parents try their best to mold their children from the outside by imposing upon them their own ideas about what they should act like, think like, look like and all the rest. Not only does it work a lot better the other way round - listening to the individual echoes of a child's own seedpower coming from within and responding to it by offering whatever at any moment is most appropriate in the form of food, health, guidance, education, toys and so forth - it is also infinitely easier.

make contracts

Taking on the job of guardian for a child from birth to adulthood also involves making `contractual agreements' - agreements which need to be re-negotiated from time to time. Like every contract the parent/child relationship is always a two-way deal. It has to be fair on both sides and nurture both people involved. How well your own contracts develop and how much joy there is for both of you in living them will depend to a great extent on how clearly the agreements between you are understood. Let me show you what I mean.

In establishing `contracts' with my own children I decided I wanted to supply them with wholesome food and clean surroundings as well as physical warmth, safety, and the right to their own needs and opinions even if they differed from mine. In return I expected them to accept the home and food and care I provided even though it would never be perfect, to be as honest, respectful of my decisions and as reasonable with me as their age would allow.

What I would never ask of a child - and where so many parents in my opinion go wrong - is to ask that the child love me. Get into that contract and you automatically create trouble. For whether or not your child loves you is ultimately beside the point. Your responsibility is simply to use the best of your wisdom and physical resources to help that child grow.

I decided long ago that I would do my best for my children always, but that they were stuck with me as a parent for better or for worse - complete with all my warts. I also decided that while I didn't expect them to love me, I did expect them to know that whatever I did I did because I believed it to be right. When some decision I made or action I took turned out to be wrong I owned up and, where appropriate, asked for their forgiveness just as I forgave them their mistakes.

I discovered quite by accident that there is a certain magic to all this. For when you genuinely give up all claim to being a `good parent' or to having your child love you, you create a remarkable expanse of freedom for you both. In the end, not only do your children end up loving you of their own accord, they also respect you (even when they don't agree with you). Most important of all, they feel safe because they know that although at times you may seem unreasonable and unbending, your strength - on which they rely for security - remains uncorrupted by flattery or emotional blackmail (which even very young children can be very good at). They learn that your strength is there to serve them.

Home | Top of Page | Leslie Kenton Books | Workshops |Become a friend

Journey to Freedom is a practical and highly personal course which marries the most ancient technique known for accessing power and expanding awareness - shamanism - together with tools from mythology, leading-edge physics, biology, systems theory and the rapidly developing science of consciousness itself to create a user-friendly, well-tested path to freedom. Journey to Freedom workshops offer you a technology for liberation. It is simple and practical. The skills you learn are like a rope you use to climb to the top of Freedom Mountain. Once you get there, you can throw the ropes away.